Culture Trips

Seth Meyers on Republicans calling for unity: ‘Craven, soulless ghouls’ | Late-night TV roundup

Late-night hosts continue to process the fallout from Wednesday’s attack on the Capitol by a mob of Trump supporters, as more chilling information emerges about their violent intentions and congressional Democrats prepare to impeach Trump for a second time.

Seth Meyers

On Late Night, Seth Meyers dismissed various justifications floated by congressional Republicans to not impeach Donald Trump for a second time, including reports that some Republicans were nervous about what Trump might do if betrayed by members of his party. “You’re afraid of what else Trump could do?” Meyers scoffed. “He already incited a violent mob to attack the US Capitol. If that’s not cause for removal, what is?”

“Also, why are we waiting for Pence to act?” Meyers added, referring to those who hope the vice-president, along with Trump’s cabinet, will enact the 25th amendment to strip the president of his power. “He’s spent four years by this president’s side as he’s repeatedly excused or incited violence and sowed the destruction of our democracy. I feel like we’re a group of schoolchildren at the zoo waiting on the sloth to do something.”

Still, Meyers continued, the Republican party remains, with few exceptions, “nearly unanimous in its belief that even in the aftermath of a deadly insurrection incited by the president and with more threats on the horizon, we should all just move on, and let the man who incited a terrorist attack on the US Capitol walk away consequence-free”.

Instead, several congressional Republicans, including Representative Jim Jordan, Senator Lindsey Graham and Senator James Lankford – who had backed Trump’s baseless claims of election fraud and who supported the president as he organized the rally that besieged the Capitol – have now adopted a call for “unity” and accused Democrats of “driving a wedge” into the country with a second impeachment.

To that, Meyers turned on some calming music and his thickest deadpan: “Let me begin by doing my part to begin the healing process, to bring down the temperature and tone down the rhetoric by saying this: fuck you, you cretinous, insurrectionist gargoyles.

“You guys incited a violent mob that rampaged across the Capitol trying to overthrow the government and now you want us to see unity and healing?” he said. “I’d call you craven, soulless ghouls, but in the case of these seditionist dipshits, they’re more like soul-devouring ghouls.”

Stephen Colbert

On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert once again called last week’s attack on the Capitol one of the most upsetting things he had ever seen, and addressed comments from some who asked “what about 9/11?”

“Well, yeah, that is the most horrible day in America’s history,” Colbert responded, “but I want to point out: no Americans were cheering for the terrorists back then. No one was making excuses for the terrorists. No one was pretending that they weren’t terrorists.

“And now that we’ve had some time to learn more and see more of what happened on that terrible day last week,” he continued, “all I can think is, ‘Oh, Stephen from last week, you sweet, naive child, how could you have been so calm? Because this attack was far worse than it first looked.

“The terrorists who stormed the Capitol weren’t just a bunch of yahoos fed a steady diet of lies, vape juice and Monster energy drink,” he said. “This was a coordinated and planned attempt to terrorize, if not kill, our nation’s elected leaders.”

The insurrectionists surged upon the Capitol with gas masks, riot helmets, explosives, metal pipes, climbing gear, pepper spray and, in one photo, zip ties seemingly intended to restrain kidnapped lawmakers. Pipe bombs were found at the DNC and RNC headquarters, which Capitol police suspect were intended to draw police away from the Capitol perimeter. “Meanwhile, at the George Floyd protests this summer,” Colbert said, “they wouldn’t let you bring a hoagie, because it might make the police hangry.”

Furthermore, footage from the riot captured scenes of terrifying violence, including the mob nearly crushing a Capitol police officer to death behind a doorway, or dragging another officer down the steps and then beating him with flagpoles to chants of “USA!”

“It’s hard to pin down exactly what these idiots believe in,” said Colbert. “Black lives matter? Oh no. Blue lives matter? Yes, but only if we’re not currently trying to murder them with the Stars and Stripes.

“And if any of you out there think it’s wrong to call these people terrorists,” he added, “consider this: you’re wrong.”

Jimmy Kimmel

And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel reacted to Melania Trump’s first statement on last week’s attack, released on Sunday, which expressed “sympathy for the real victim of the events last week: Melania Trump”.

The first lady wrote that she was “disappointed and disheartened with what happened last week” but decried the “salacious gossip, unwarranted personal attacks, and false misleading accusations on me – from people who are looking to be more relevant and have an agenda”.

“I have no idea what salacious gossip she’s talking about, but now I’m definitely going to Google it to find out,” Kimmel said. “Melania said this is a time for healing, not division. That’s a talking point a lot of these complicit Republicans are spewing now – ‘It’s time for healing.’ And I’m all for healing, but before we heal, we need to make sure the surgery is finished, and there’s still a large, cancerous tumor that needs to be removed.”

Instead, Republicans are trying to stave off another impeachment vote with nine days remaining in Trump’s term, with several claiming that it isn’t enough time to hold impeachment hearings. “And they’ve got a point,” said Kimmel. “Usually when the Senate tries to ram something through that quickly, it’s a supreme court justice.”

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